A little bit about me. Or maybe better said…One thing about me.
About 1 1/2 years ago I found what seemed like just a “beauty program” called Dressing Your Truth. But I got sideswiped because I mis-typed myself. For a short while, I thought I was a Type 2 – the subtle, soft woman. But living as a Type 2, I felt bored and not very inspired. So I put the program on the back shelf until about 5 months ago wherein I felt compelled to look at it once more.
I started reading the book again and thought, “How could I have ever thought I was a 2? Of course I’m a Type 3!” The Type 3 is described as the rich, dynamic woman and is fiery. I certainly had a fiery personality, so it seemed to fit. So for about a week, I “lived as a Type 3.” Thankfully I didn’t change my wardrobe or anything. But I sat with the idea of being a Type 3 woman and it felt good.
But I wanted it confirmed this time by an expert. And who would be considered the best expert of all but Carol Tuttle herself? So I scheduled a Skype consultation to get my type confirmed so I could be done with it and move on.
The call went something like this. After a few minutes of me blabbering on about how I was a Type 3 and had finally come to this conclusion of accepting myself as a 3, Carol Tuttle said, “Um, you’re not a Type 3. I hate to tell you this…but you’re a Type 4 with a very strong secondary of a Type 1.”
Complete silence as I heard the Earth rotate around the sun. No way could I be a Type 4. OMG…those colors. Me? Bold? Striking? No way.
So I went about living my life as a Type 4. I completed threw out everything in my closet that was anything other than Type 4 clothing. I wanted so desperately to figure out who I was FINALLY that I wanted to leap into being a Type 4 and heal whatever needed healing in order to live my truth as a bold striking woman. I flew to Utah to have a beauty and style makeover and met Carol herself. She is a powerful woman with a very dynamic presence. I was awestruck and didn’t say hardly a word.
She confirmed that she still felt I was a Type 4 but with a very very strong secondary of a Type 1 (bright animated woman). Over the year of knowing about Dressing Your Truth and trying to figure out my type, no matter what primary type I thought I was (2, 3 or 4) I ALWAYS knew that Type 1 was strong in me and most likely my secondary type. But I never thought it could be my PRIMARY type as I didn’t see myself as a cutesy woman – even though when I was younger, I was always described a “cute.” One boyfriend even referred to me as “cute as a button.” It infuriated me.
So off I went into the wild blue yonder, living my life as a Type 4 woman. Or trying. I had dyed my hair to try and really feel the energy of being bold and striking and not fearing it. I attempted to straighten my curls whenever possible (or motivated). I bought the intense makeup. I bought the pure-hued colors of clothes. I was tickled pink that I got to wear black after all! HA!!!
I joined the Facebook Type 4 group and jumped in immediately and began participating and posting.
But you know what? It never felt real. *I* never felt real. But I kept persisting. Of course I saw things about the Type 4 that were spot on for me. But there were MANY things that just did not ring true whatsoever. But I didn’t see myself as the cutesy Type 1 woman. So I persisted with living my truth as a Type 4.
And then something happened. I’m not certain exactly WHEN it happened exactly WHAT happened. But my questions grew really loud and I finally said “enough.” I finally allowed myself to fully accept the fact that I didn’t like the energy of living as a Type 4. It made me feel heavy, depressed and too serious.
I was getting annoyed with some of the energy, conversations, and constant “that’s not the right color blue” talk in the Type 4 group. I began to realize that I didn’t really care if it was the exact right color blue. “Close enough” was enough for me. And then it hit me.
Maybe I’m Not a Type 4 After all!
So about 15 months since starting, I have finally allowed myself the courage to believe that I AM good enough to be a Type 1 woman. I’ve accepted that there IS in fact the possibility of that being ME. I am not so flawed and broken as for it to be impossible. (There was a lot of shaming in my childhood…but I’ll talk about that another time — maybe.)
Am I a Type 1? I have no idea. What I do know that I am either a Type 4/1 or a Type 1/4. And either way, my 1-ness is very strong.
I also know that for whatever reason, I have let that part of me wither and die. I even know when this process began. But my post is getting long so I’ll leave that for another day. I’ll close with this.
One of things that I will be exploring for at least the next 30 days is what it means to be a Type 1 woman TO ME. There is some healing that needs to take place in that. And I want to do it. And I want to share it with anyone who happens along and reads this post.